Stupid Criminal Discovers Sumo

Crime weighs heavy;

What’s the worst that could happen if you’ve been caught stealing? That your crime weighs heavy on your conscience, and leaves you wrestling with your morals?

Or this: Your crime weighs heavy on your middle-aged body, and leaves you wrestling with Sumos?

HUNGH? Strange but true – it’s exactly what happened to Konoshin Kawabata in Osaka, Japan.

He stumbled upon a perfect opportunity to burglarize a building on the Shounji temple premises. A door was unlocked, the lights were off, and it was the wee hours of the morning. The Japanese man, who’s pushing 50, must’ve thought: lucky.

Damn, did he think too soon. As he started rummaging for loot, he felt himself being “caught by a massive man” whom he could not make out in the dark.

The lights were then turned on, showing Kawabata what the hell sort of mondo bizaaro was really going on. A freakin’ Sumo wrestler had tackled him – bear-hugged, in the wrestler’s own words – whilst over a dozen other Sumo wrestlers had him surrounded.

Dewanosato (real name: Hideyuki Kawahara) was the Sumo wrestler who pinned down the burglar. Don’t deadpan now: this dude just happens to stand 5′10” (180 cm) and weigh 289 lbs (131 kg).

Since the Japanese cannot legally keep a gun in the house, perhaps they should keep a Sumo wrestler. Perhaps an "Adopt a Sumo" program.